Recently, I've been thinking about something I've heard more than once in my life:
"You sound upset."
"Why are you mad?"
"You're being aggressive."
The funny thing is, most of the time, I'm not mad at all. Radio rewards projection, confidence, and energy. Those same traits can seem intense in one-on-one conversation. It honestly sucks and I hate being labled "aggressive". Here's what I'm learning, people who are described as "aggressive" aren't always aggressive. Sometimes they're passionate, direct, expressive, confident, energetic, or used to communicating in environments where quick, strong communication is valued.
I might be passionate. Excited. Focused. Animated. Interested. But somewhere between what I'm trying to communicate and what another person hears, the message gets lost. And I've realized that's something many of us experience. Communication isn't just about what we say. It's about how people receive it.
Sometimes we speak quickly because we're excited. Sometimes our voices naturally carry. Sometimes we're direct because we value honesty. Sometimes we interrupt because we're eager to connect. But the person listening may hear something completely different.
Pause Before Responding
When someone finishes speaking, I try to wait a second or two before jumping in. That small pause tells people, "I'm thinking about what you said."
Ask Instead of Assume
Instead of immediately offering a solution, I've learned to ask questions.
"Tell me more."
"How did that make you feel?"
"What happened next?"
People often don't need answers right away. They need space.
Lower the Volume, Increase the Warmth
Some of us naturally speak loudly. That's not necessarily a bad thing. But a softer tone can make a conversation feel safer and more welcoming.
Listen to Understand
It's easy to listen while preparing our response. It's harder to listen simply to understand.
The difference is huge.
Reflect What You Heard
One of the most powerful phrases I've learned is:
"So what I'm hearing is..."
It gives the other person a chance to say, "Exactly!" or "Not quite."
Either way, they know you're trying.
The Goal Isn't Just Being Heard
For a long time, I thought good communication meant getting my point across. Now I think good communication means something bigger. It's making sure the other person feels seen, understood, and respected—even if we don't agree. Because the best conversations aren't the ones where we win. They're the ones where everyone leaves feeling heard. And that's something I'm still learning every day. I've worked in radio more than 2 decades and I can confidently say "I still have things I'm learning about communication."
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